Attachment- Detachment

Eh kids, be alert. This will be a little bit of an emo-read. You wont find my usual cynicism to lighten it up in here so if you haven´t even had breakfast yet this might be a bit heavy :). 

Love. Sometimes she´s a snake biting you in the ass, sometimes she´s a goddess filling you with purity and bliss. She is never indecisive, she is always all the way. She may take your sanity, your ability to be rational and clear-minded. She may make you want to smash your fist against a concrete wall as hard as you can and she may make you want to coma out on pharmaceuticals just to have some piece and quiet. She may make you want to put food on top of your pain or choke your throat denying to eat at all. She may put the biggest child-like smile on your face and fill you with energy and lightness you never knew before. She may make you feel helpless and lost, she may make you also feel safe and calm in the most comforting way. She may make you need more and more, she may make you feel humbled and at piece. She may break you and she WILL fix you. Whatever the case is, she´s definately doing something to you. There will be no emptyness when she´s around. She may come around in a second or she may take her time and sneak in slowly.

All that doesn´t matter because it´s always her. The same thing we all strive for at the end of the day.

There is people who shut down, closed them selfes off, telling themselfes to not care because they are not capable to put any energy into actually feeling something at their state. There is needy people chasing it as their nurturing source of feeling themselfes, in search for love from any other person to filll their emptyness inside. De facto we´re all different kinds of shades of fucked up in a way, that´s just what the sweet little bitch called life does to us and it´s okay. We´ve been hurt and broken, and we will be again, many times. Inbetween we´ll also be recieving the gift of a beauty there is no words for. ( Well, there is, but this is already cheesy enough so I´ll not make this any worse in being literal about this haha).

A healthy open heart is rare but something we all should pursue to develope.

Our deepest and essential need is to connect, right? For someone who feels generally disconnected and misunderstood  (boohoo...) it´s something that doesn´t come around too often and if it does, you´d hold on to it and worship it, even if it´s time to let it go.

Unatached love is the key, that´s what the enlightened one says at least. I´m not sure if I believe in it but I guess being aware but not atached to your emotions definately is something to put on the to-do-list at least. 

( The one, „when I grow up then...“)

I haven´t been writing for quite some time but there was just no moment I felt like it. I spent my last 6 weeks in Bali, most of the time in the surf-spot Uluwatu/Padang Padang. I enjoyed it a lot, today it was time to leave back to Thailand though. Thanks Bali and all you great people I have met, I had heaps of fun with ya´ll. I´m sure I´ll be back so this is not goodbye but see you sometime soon.

PS: I miss the scooter insanity already. The rule is no rules except for the one: go as fast as possible and horn every other second. (Sorry mum) I got to drive like crazy without any consequences because it´s the way it goes, survival of the fittest on the dirty & bumpy roads of Bali <3.  

“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke